No Home Birth

So I wanted to blog this a while ago but I never knew how to say it with out getting so upset. When my husband and I talked about a home birth we both agreed that if one of us did not want to go through with it than we would for go the home birth. Only because I believe that there needs to be a unity when you are bringing a child into this world (especially if you are going to do it at home) and if one person is resentful because they did not feel peace and we went ahead and had a home birth then I am pretty sure there would be some major tension in that room. So, one day after my appointment with my midwife, I came home and I was just so excited. I was just talking Kens ear off and was just full of joy knowing that the day was coming soon..... The day I have been looking forward to and been wanting for years... After a few minutes I knew something was up, he was just sitting there not responding and so I asked him if he was ok? I asked "are you not as excited as I am?" Then he paused for a few seconds and that is when I knew he was getting cold feet. My first instinct was to keep talking and ignore him because I knew what he was going to say and I did not want to hear it, then my second thought was. I will just get up and walk away and go pray for him to change his mind, Again I did not want to hear him say "I don't think you should do this at home". Well, I asked "are you not wanting to go through with this now?" Again, a long pause. I knew that he was trying to find the right words so I would not get upset. So all he said was "I do not feel peace about this." Holding back my tears I asked him "why do you think that is" His reply was " with all that has been going on with this pregnancy, it has not been like the first 2 and I am just afraid that something could happen to you or the baby." So with that being said, I bit my tongue went upstairs, cried for a while and then got on the computer and phone searching for a midwife who delivers at one of the local hospitals and who takes our insurance. Well, there were no midwives in our network and I knew I did not want a Doctor to deliver this baby. So we had to switch insurance networks and I was able to find a great midwife (who all of my friends are using and/or have used...)